Bacon

"Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at when He made pigs so round." --Roy Blount Jr.

Ever identify with an advertisement on TV? I’ll bet you never identified with an ad for a dog! Well, I have. Every time I see the Beggin’ Strips ad on TV, I drool. (Search for Beggin' Strips on YouTube.) I could actually be that dog, running around the house saying “Bacon, bacon, I smell bacon. Where’s the bacon?”

Bacon is, without a doubt, my favorite food. Collard greens might be next, and, guess what, they’re best when seasoned with bacon drippings. When you get right down to it, I love everything that comes off a pig, right down to the skin. Pork rinds, yummm. Well, maybe not hog head cheese, which isn’t cheese, by the way. We did eat hog head cheese growing up. Daddy would take the scraps of meat and fat from the hog that didn’t make a meal in themselves, chop them up and form them into a ball. It really didn’t contain anything you wouldn’t want to eat—there were no organ meats or entrails included in Daddy’s recipe. I’m not sure whether he cooked the parts first or afterward, but to serve, we’d slice the “head” into portions that looked something like Spam and fry it. In bacon grease, of course. Made a nice accompaniment to breakfast or a sandwich with Miracle Whip.

Alas, I’ve had to curb my appetite for bacon and all things pork in my efforts to improve my nutrition and lower my cholesterol. My first attempts to curb my intake of bacon came in the form of Hormel Premium Real Crumbled Bacon that I would get in big bags from Costco. Bacon bits are lower in fat and cholesterol than cooked bacon strips and pack a lot of flavor for a small portion. I put them in salads and scrambled eggs and atop “diet” pizzas. Recently, I discovered Oscar Mayer Natural Lightly Smoked Uncured Bacon that has no nitrites or nitrates. Two slices contain only 5 g of fat and 15 mg of cholesterol. This was like a gift from God to me. Not only could I not feel guilty about the fat and cholesterol, it has no nitrates or nitrites. With my impeccable logic, I quickly classified this new product as a health food and now I can have my favorite sandwich—a BLT—guilt-free (although still not often). I eat it with total abandonment and relish every bite all the while chanting “Bacon, bacon, I smell bacon. It’s BAAAAAAACON!”